My pain is freaking hilarious

Does it count as schadenfreude if it's aimed at yourself?

Gerund Janey
30 June 1981
External Services:
  • nacl_girl@yahoo.com
  • notmyfaultdance@livejournal.com
  • alainabray
  • No thanks (Now that you can't see the word "Jabber," this
  • joke is no longer funny. I mean...even less so.)
Here is some information about this information page (Oh boy, meta-information!). I rarely update or edit it, now clearly being an exception. As such, I may list my purpose in life to be defeating the current administration in one paraphraph, then praise our lord and conquerer King Beto the next.

The live journal itself has slightly more up-to-date and accurate descriptions of my life, unless I feel like complaining about unicorns or something.

My autobiography, which TS Eliot will ghostwrite, will be entitled "Glaring Omissions." It will be filled mostly with advertisements.

"Gerund Janey" is the name I use while starring in grammar-porn flicks. You know how they go:
Sexy Linguistics Student 1: Let's go, right now, there's so much potential sexual ecstasy boiling between you and I!
Sexy Linguistics Student 2: Don't you mean you and me?
Sexy Linguistics Student 1: You're right, you've proved your point you sexy thing!
Sexy Linguistics Student 2: I've proved nothing. I've
proven everything.
Sexy Linguistics Student 1: Take me fastly!
Sexy Linguistics Student 2: Fast doesn't need a suffix; it's already an adverb by itself. Some words are like that and you just have to remember the exceptions.

(Between films, it's Alaina. My hippy parents cursed me with a silent letter, so ignore the i and rhyme it with Madonna.)

I started this wacky experiment of online narcissism [LJ] as a venue to brag about how many four-leafed clovers I'd found on any given day; it was either that or spray-paint the number onto the sides of abandoned buildings. How this whole thing degenerated so quickly into an anti-Eisenhower diatribe I'll never know.

I graduated from a small liberal arts college. I majored in philosophy. I'm flaky. Is that redundant? Oh well.

I listed Miss Piggy as one of my interests, but "obsession" is more accurate. She's fantastic! I mean, seriously, she rocks so much. All hail Miss Piggy!

My life is extremely surreal. As a result, so is this particular chronicle of said life. 95% of the content is true, and the complete lies are usually indicated as such...Or are they??? No, they are.

My friends think I'm cool but since most of my friends are dorks I try not to let it go to my head. I've got good social skills; I can see beneath the blatant mockery and insults to the underlying respect they all have for me. It's subtle love but it's there if you squint.

If brevity is the soul of wit, I'm screwed. But hey, I've lived over three decades so I figure I'm allowed a certain amount of senile babbling. I will try to acquire some war stories and post them [War stories will not actually be mine or involve any historically accurate war].

I have written some plays that have been produced off-off Broadway. I have also acted in some off-off Broadway plays. But tragically, I have not yet been nominated for a Grammy, or even understood what one was.

*As of March 2, 2006, I've deleted my entire friends list as I have, like, no time to keep up with anyone else's journal and barely time to post in mine. If you want me to read about your romantic/financial/Tums-induced/seahorse-involving misadventures, email them to me at defunctemail@doesn’texist. I promise I'll get around to laughing at you as soon as possible.**

**Nevermind, I have live journal friends again. Look who came crawling back (me!)!
abraham and isaac, abstract metaphors, aesthetics, alfred lord tennyson, allegories, apairofpatheticperipatetics, arlo guthrie, athena, bach, beck, beckett, black books, black holes, black sabbath, blackadder, bob dylan, bob marley, brecht, buffy the vampire slayer, chaos theory, chekhov, christopher durang, chuck berry, classic rock, contemplating my navel, creedence clearwater revival, creepy children's books, dali, dan savage, danger mouse, dave foley, david sedaris, deism, denis leary, descartes, doonesbury, duckman, duckula, epistemology, escher, etymology, everyonesaysiloveyou, existentialism, family guy, famous math dudes, fatalism, father ted, folk music, futurama, george carlin, get fuzzy, gilbert and sullivan, god, grammar, greek tragedy, hegel, heidegger, heisenberg, hermeneutics, history of philosophy, history of rock, homestar runner, humanism, hume, husserl, in living color, infinity, irony in action, janis joplin, jim henson, john oliver, johnny cash, jon stewart, jonathan katz, k9, kids in the hall, kierkegaard, labyrinth, language, led zeppelin, leibniz, leo rosten, lewis carroll, light verse, machiavelli, margaret cho, maus, mel brooks, metaphysics, miss piggy, mitch hedberg, mobius strips, morality, neil gaiman, nietzsche, nowhere man, ode to joy, ontology, optical illusions, owls, philosophy, platonism, playwriting, poetry and literature, quantum theory, queen, queer as folk, ranma 1/2, red dwarf, red meat, red wine, richard adams, robert louis stevenson, rorschach, rudyard kipling, running(albeit awkwardly), sandman, sartre, schroedinger's cat, sculpting and drawing, seinfeldian surrealism, sesame street, shakespeare, shel silverstein, south park, spock, st. augustine, stars and spheres, syntax and semantics, teleology, the boondocks, the critic, the dark crystal, the muppets, the mysterious stranger, the platters, the righteous brothers, the rolling stones, the secret of nimh, the simpsons, theater, thermodynamics, time, time bandits, weird al yankovic, woody allen, words words words, writing non-sexual love poems, yellow submarine, zeno's paradox